Have you even come across people from the past and felt like they're in a time warp but you are not even a shadow of the person you were? They talk the same, they stammer on the same words, make the same old jokes, jolt forward in uncontained excitement in the same way, believe in the same old beliefs, even pick on their finger nails in the same way. Sometimes you meet new people and you realize even though you never knew them before, they haven't stepped forward or strived for something bigger or better. They haven't grown.
Changes can be so bizarre. Sometimes its vicious and unplanned, sometimes it’s abrupt yet exciting and sometimes it’s unexpected yet enlightening. I'm a shadow of my past self but then again this was always my potential. Though I've experienced changes in many forms, they usually were circumstantial. Lately, it’s been a change relating to my very being. I have to be honest, I am liking this change. Somehow the awkwardness is gone. When I was still evolving from child to adult child, I was told I liked projects i.e. I like to fix things/people (same difference). I suspect the theory behind it would be; unable to fix self aims to fix others. However recently, I had a suspicious feeling of some truth behind this allegation, so I have consciously steered clear of these so called 'projects'. It would appear I did have a problem.
Strength is a wonderful thing if you are able to discover it within yourself. Of course time and experience are a huge factor. I feel I'm entering a new era in my journey and I am no longer able to use 'I'm naive' as an excuse anymore. I might miss the innocence cloaking the ignorance but being in control is worth it somehow. I don't feel the need to apologize for myself anymore. Today I have chills as I embrace myself. I feel a change and I can't help but question what is this I'm feeling and why. However, at the same time I somewhat understand this is what a new beginning feels like. This time it will be on my terms or nothing else.
“Sometimes the world within parallel minds, cloaked gazes, hushed whispers, an uneasy graze of souls and lingering finger tips, can be just enough to bring you back to life.”
hey, i loved the last few lines!
ReplyDeletevery well written :)
Awwies. Thanks ^_^
ReplyDeleteNow, at this point, after reading your piece of awakening I have got to lower myself to confession.
ReplyDeleteSince two years I’ve never been on the edge of giving up on life.
I’ve had such mad longings to fall asleep forever.
I’ve felt so unloved, so unneeded, so god damned unnecessary. BUT!
After contemplating on the pros and cons, and approaching a wrap up of another year of my life I know I must prevail. I haven't given up in 2 years, instead I have changed, they all have, we all have. For the sake of our life alone, we have got to keep moving forward. And as much as it hurts me to say, there will be things including people I will have to rid myself off because no one comes back from the dead and what is once gone will never be. There will be a new love for a new me and a new friend too. We can’t keep living off of broken promises and shattered hopes.
I am glad you signed out on a tone of hope :)
Because “One day” is never going to happen if we sit around and wait for it.
Darling. Understand that expectations can disappoint. But after each 'phase' in life, you begin to realize how lucky you are just to exist. Maybe its your mind's natural defense to help you survive. Today for the first time I'm content just relying on myself. The day you are able to truly embrace this you will be invincible, because you won't have anyone else to let you down.
ReplyDeleteFact is you can never let yourself down. Maybe this makes me cocky but something tells me we deserve to be.