Tuesday, August 25, 2009

A Love letter for Daisy

Dear Car A.k.a. Daisy,

We haven't known each other long but over the few months that you've been in my life, it's been magical, sorta. Initially you smothered me with all your affection by refusing to turn on the air conditioning. This wasn't a huge issue as it was spring. Then we took you to the doctor and he worked his magic on you and lo and behold we had cold air. We spent hours driving around town. We went to the movies on countless occasions, we went to get groceries and we even went to university together. We were a family. We were always so connected when we were together.

Then one day you decided you weren't happy with our arrangement and got a fever. I mean the gauge just went nuts. It went from warm to hot and then beyond. I tried to reason with you and tried to talk to into calming down but you refused. Finally, I decided to let you have some time alone, to calm down. The following week I sensed a cold war between us. We barely hung out and our time together seemed quick and somewhat disconnected.

At the end of that week I decided to put our difference aside to spend some quality time with you. Half way through you decided you couldn't take it anymore and your temperature gauge went completely bonkers. I have never seen it go from warm to 'I'm-going-to-erupt-in-flames' hot in such a short time. I stopped and again tried to talk things out. I gave you affection and fondled your bits (even though it really isn't my thing). I made sure you have enough fluids in your system to bring down your fever and gave you some time to breath. Everything seemed to be improving but half a mile later you were back to throwing a hissy fit. At this point I gave up. I needed you to work with me and get me to work but no, you had other ideas. So I got up, made alternated arrangements and left you there. I thought a day away from me would make you appreciate our love.

The next day I came to see you and I even brought company, since my fondling alone wasn't doing the trick. He spent a fair amount of time fooling around with you. I wasn't comfortable but I understand you have needs. After all this inappropriateness, we tried to take you home. Instead you blew out white smoke in our faces. A part of me died at this sight. We were having such a great run but you had to be an old moody lady.

Over the weekend you sat in an estranged parking lot in front of the National Guard Recruiting Office. I hope you enjoyed watching the youth of today sign their lives away. Finally on Monday I had to bring in the big guns and brought my brother to talk some sense into you. He even tried to get you to the doctor but you were back to your old tricks. You let out dodgy smells and more white smoke. Finally we had you towed to the doctors. After my short talk with the nurses, I was informed things were grim. You no longer loved me and it was going to take a lot of money, time and effort to woo you back. Realistically I don't think I can handle such a commitment this early in a relationship. I won't say I won't miss you, but I am coming to terms that you no longer wish to be with me.

I hope you meet someone you can finally love for more than a few months and may you have many adventures with them. Sadly you are now dead to me. This is now the end of our short but wonderful and touching love story. Please know, you will be missed.

Yours truly,
Madiha A.k.a Driver

P.S. If you chose to make this relationship work, I am willing to take you back. Once I meet someone else this grace period is over and there will be no going back.

Monday, August 24, 2009

FarmVille stole my dignity

Yes I'm a facebook whore but that isn't the sad part. I also happen to be addicted to ‘FarmVille’. For those of you unaware, FarmVille is an application on facebook where you grow fruit and veggies, have farm animals and do other farm related things. As with any gaming application, the programmers strive to improve and make it as addicting as possible. FarmVille is no exception. The graphics are semi decent. There are cute animated animals from bunnies to horses. Then there are a variety of seeds, barns, cottages and even a green house. The game is entirely pointless and your aim is to gain lots of experience points to get to the next level. Each new level bears the temptation of new seeds or buildings or other useless farm type items.

Initially you needed X amount of neighbours to expand your farm. This requires you to coax your otherwise normal friends to play Farmville. The more neighbours, the more you can expand your farm and other little perks. This obviously meant I had to convince my friends to play with me. Very soon I had people addicted to the point where they were begging for free gifts.

As with any game, it loses its charm after awhile. Farmville is no different. So they tried adding little extra bits to make it appealing or so they think.

To clarify my point I present to you subject A:

Here you see a brown cow. These can only be adopted once a fellow farmer finds one. Once they are ready to be milked you click on them and the following options appear:

Chocolate milk? Seriously? Ohh so that’s how we get chocolate milk. From adopted brown cows! Mystery solved!

Subject B:

As you can see there now an option to 'Pet' the duck. I mean wow! I can enjoy the experience of petting a virtual duck. Does he poop little gold turds for my special petting treatment? Apparently not. It’s completely pointless but hey.. you get to pet a horse or a cow or a duck. Bet you never thought you could ever experience that huh!

Last but by no means least Subject C:

(This is where Farmville steals my dignity at one point. It reminded me of what I really am. A blue eyed, balding bloke in my skibbies)

Now if you'll excuse me, I have to go harvest my crops and pet my horses.


Saturday, August 8, 2009

Happy History

You know when you hear an old familiar tune. Something you use to listen to repeatedly until it became so unbearable even the thought gave you a migraine? Well the Goo Goo Dolls had a song 'Iris'. It was from the OST of City of Angels. I hadn't seen the movie at that time but I saw the video on MTV and I distinctly remember falling in love. I'm pretty sure that had something to do with the constant surge of hormones. We're talking about late 1998. I was a teenager. A raging, hormonal teenager I might add. I was in love with being in love. It was a very unadulterated emotion.

I listen to Pandora at work and was expecting the likes of The Notwist or even The Knife, so I was shocked where I heard the all-too-familiar riff of 'Iris'. It was so unexpected, so wonderfully familiar, so joyous, I was shocked at how shocked at I was. Yes it’s a vicious loop. A thought hit me as I revelled in feeling like a hormonal tween again. If this is how it feels like to reminisce the past, then 10 years from now I will think of today as a distance past. Today we are making history with our actions and favorite songs. How bizarre. I mean it’s not like I wasn't always aware of this but it’s a whole different feeling to understand it in a moment of epiphany. I was enlightening myself with this revelation. A part of me thinks that it could be a by-product of extreme boredom at work but I like to think that the wheels in my head were finally turning or something nice like that.

On a different note, last night I made a montage for my girl friends. These two women are the rocks in my life. When everything falls apart, they are the ones who slap me to my senses. I'll admit I was teary eyed making it, but it made me realize how lucky I truly am. People spend their entire lives and never even come close to the bond us girls have.

I've never done anything like this before so it's rough but it has a lot of heart. This particular song is by Coldplay and it’s called ‘Strawberry Swing’. Doesn’t it make you smile inside?




Monday, August 3, 2009

Time

I wish my heart was cool,
But I’m still mourning you
I wish my light was golden blue..
As it was.. with you.

I smell the coffee on your breath,
Your lips sore
I can taste her cheap lipstick
Her cigarettes, her gum of death.

Voices inside my head
Sing a familiar tune.
Sitting on a leaf, I drift ahead
The wind now static, I can't follow you.

I can't hear you sing to me.
I know I'm not the only one,
Who believes in your starry eyed dream.
I know now, we were never meant to hold on.

(Please note I am more than aware I'm not a songwriter or a poet)

_______

There are far too many things in life I can't analyze or categorize. Time for instance baffles me. As a little girl, I distinctly remember resenting time for not moving faster. You waited impatiently for school to end. You anticipated the joy of finishing your homework just so you could play undisturbed for a few hours (knowing you’re still going to get a lecture on how you should rather be studying). You waited even more impatiently for summer holidays (which you spent doing illegal amounts of school work). Nothing seemed to come to you when you most wanted it. When you did eventually reach the point you so desperately awaited, you relished every last millisecond of it. It felt as if time came to a screeching halt and you could seize every moment. Now the son-of-a-gun flies like the universe would crumble if it didn't. I can feel it slipping through my fingers as we speak and now I'm nearly 24 with not much to show for it. Oh irony! Thy a cruel mistress.

My brother appeared to have gone nuts and came home yesterday with a truck load of groceries. This morning as I walked in the kitchen, I could smell fresh produce. I stood there motionless for a minute, eyes closed and remembered mom in the kitchen. It always smelt of fresh produce and spices. I could smell her distinct scent and I remember pestering her with pointless questions. In my head I hug her. It makes my heart melt and I feel warm inside. Time. Now it feels like I didn't have enough of it. I miss her. I don't care what she did or how she was, she is still my mother. I can feel in her voice the love and passion. I can sense the sadness. I know she wants to see me. I know she wants to see all three of us. Its times like these I wish I hadn't wasted my life and time. I wish I had gotten over the issues and made something of myself. So instead of her wishing and waiting, I could be taking care of her. It's times like these I know I've failed.

The divorce papers came through in the post on Friday and I couldn’t deal with it. I’ve been through this before. I’ve signed the dotted line before and spent a week moping it before. Yet it didn’t stop it from hurting when I got home and saw the envelope and his handwriting with the Royal mail stamp on it. I carefully opened the envelope, placed the papers and the envelope gently on the floor and it’s been there since. Yes I know ignoring the issue is never the solution but I really, really, REALLY like ignoring the issue. So now I have today to review, date and sign them and go to the post office first thing tomorrow and post them. Except I like it sitting on the floor, slowly getting covered in dust, cat fur and other paraphernalia I don’t care for. It’s nicer covered and ignored. To make matters worse, because of this tiny incident I shut out everyone I know and disconnected myself (literally) from the world of support. I needed time to recover. Most of all I needed to be distracted. Today as I discussed with mum about my life, I realized all I needed to do was to call her when things started to appear distorted in the first place. As I hung up, I felt lighter (though it could have something to do with being on the phone for over 3.5 hours).

Overall it feels like a phase, one that I must go through in order to accept change. It’s not simple or easy or even convenient for that matter, but it’s a phase. Apparently, life likes teaching people like me ‘lessons’. I don’t know who this life person is, but one day when we finally confront each other, I’m going to be armed with more ammo than you can throw at Osama in a confined space.

Sometimes I resist
Sometimes I shoot people down
Some days I loathe
Some days I let myself let go..