The war within

Who decides what is wrong or right? Is it our parents who from the day we are born struggle to instil their values and morals on us? Is it the company we surround ourselves with as teenagers? Or is it simply something we learn along the way from people who touch or inspire us in some way?

As a child I never quite grasped the concept of being an individual. I was constantly being thrown into situations and I only reacted the way I was trained to, not able to analyze my actions. This, I would only understand once I was a fully blossomed woman. Family plays a key role in our lives. Whether its genes or plain old fashioned influence, they help shape us to be who we are. My mother is a religious woman but she never imposed extremism on her children. She encouraged us to pray and taught us to be kind and giving to the poor. However, her actions screamed a different lesson. Her heart is kind but her mind is not. It is not a simple task to raise a daughter in a hypocritical Islamic society. Here men are at liberty to do anything and their word is the final. My mother fought hard against such hypocrisy with aggression and without wit.

People come and go in our lives. We are blinded with excitement of a new spell of colours. New perceptions seem to tempt us which we periodically believe is an inspiration. We form unstable foundations and crumble at every turn without grasping the moral of each obstacle. We are ignorant and primitive at best. However, amidst the rat race we hit a wall which at closer inspection unveils a revelation. Each time it varies and the unveiling bears an unnerving divinity of sorts. As we approach a crucial epoch in our personal lives, we take a nervous glance at the foregoing years. This is where I gather my strength and face the demons of my past errors and wonder would they judge with such belligerence.

The strange fact is we all are brain washed. Whether it is by society or by family, it is part of the fabric of life today. Maybe this all part of growing up. They say as you mature, consequences whether good or bad become anti-climactic. The entire spectrums of emotions tend to phase out and fade drastically. We become accepting. Now, the dilemma I face is how do I settle for anything when I only just have begun to understand the concept of opinion and individuality. Should this revelation not empower us as we are exposed to a new light? Or is that considered as extremism? As a Muslim, I often question my fellow brothers and sisters of faith and their loosely defined boundaries. Today, I question my own.